// the three questions on a woman's heart //

I have been participating in an awesome women's study on Monday nights - Walking with Purpose. The study revolves around helping women find their purpose.  Each week I leave feeling more and more empowered, but this past Monday especially, I heard something that spoke to me.  The three questions that are on the hearts of all women:

  Am I lovely?

Do you see me?

Am I worth fighting for?

Wow.  I can tell you many times that I have asked and re-asked these questions.  Sometimes I find myself asking all three and other times, I tend to ask one more than another.  During some periods in my life, the answers are all a strong yes... but in other, more troublesome times, the answers aren't as clear.  As I have been called to be a mother to a strong daughter of my own, I love these topics because I feel that it prepares me for some of the tumultuous times that all girls go through.

Am I lovely?  Gosh, this question scares me.  My biggest fear is that my child won't see her own beauty and worth.  I strive everyday to remind her that she is lovely, in a million different ways. There is a book by Max Lucado called You Are Special.  In this fictional children's book, there are these wooden people who either wear stars or dots.  Those who are pretty get stars, and those who are chipped, broken, or ugly gets dots.  In the end, one wooden character is covered with dots. Some were given to him for real reasons, and some just because. He meets another wooden person who has neither dots nor stars.  He is fascinated by the fact that every time someone tries to put a star or a dot on her that it falls off.  After a discussion and a meeting with their "maker" he learns that the reasons why her dots don't stick is because she does not allow them.  He learns that WE decide if other people's opinions matter.  If we find ourselves defined by possessions or feelings, then we give others all the control.  Most importantly, we were made in the image of God.  We are not flawed - we are perfect in His eyes.  Teaching kids to know and love God is a great way to build confidence for the future.

Do you see me?  Question two deals with how we as women define ourselves.  If you want to know how you define yourself, then first determine what drives you.  Most often, what drives you also defines you.  This is not uncommon, but one point that our study leader makes is that the root of this question is pride.  For instance, imagine if an accident occurred and you could no longer do what drives you, what would your response be?  For many, they would feel useless and invaluable. The idea that my value depends on what I do or what I produce is one that I have to reject.  Many women that ask this question constantly ask themselves if they could be "doing more" or "doing better".
This of course is the danger - that your self esteem comes from your work. Women who find themselves asking this question care a great deal about what others think of them.  Being noticed and praised is of the highest importance.  So high, that many of these women care so much about what others think of them that they abandon their own conscience. Our study made a powerful point here -

If I spend my entire day working to receive attention and praise from others, 

then there is no time left in the day to offer love and attention to others. 

Instead of needing people to love me, I have more room to love them. 

What drives you... motherhood, work, money?  No doubt the greatest calling in earth is that of being a mother, but motherhood comes with some serious challenges in our own conscience. Many women define themselves as a mother - that means that they view all of their child's successes and failures as their own. In our study, the author made a great point :

Being a good mother does not mean that what your child does or doesn't do defines you.  
Motherhood is one of the greatest vocations, but being a good mother
means that you see the need for a healthy detachment; 

a space where kids are free to be themselves and you are free to be yourself.

I loved hearing this because as a mother, I hear compliments of my child... and I always have a hard time accepting them.  It is surely not me, that is her!  She has her own heart and mind ~ I have tried to lead her, but if she does something well, it was all her.  Perhaps the BIGGEST reason I refuse to take credit for her good acts are because if I take responsibility for those, then I also have to accept the bad decisions that she is sure to make!  

Am I worth fighting for? This question deals with our desire to know that someone would go out of their way for us, sacrifice for us.  We need to know that we are meaningful to someone, enough that they would stick their neck out for us.  It is important that we show our kids this - if we don't, they will search for someone who will.  Showing our children, especially our daughters, that people may hurt them, but God is a god of love.  He fights for us everyday.  

I recently read an article where the author said that "people today are more focused on having than being." 

Ask yourself...

If I lost it all, what would I be?

In Peace,