I love living in Atlanta. In the 10 years of living here I have seen so much change - and that is the fun of it. I love driving down a road that has been abandoned for years and then - Bam! - all of the sudden an awesome bustling village grows out of the broken concrete. For so long there were little pockets that would go through revitalization but they were like islands - so far apart from one another. Now, the city is filling in all that blank space and I am LOVING it!
One thing that Atlanta is known for is it's trees. Once coined as "The City in a Forest," Atlanta boasts one of the greenest landscapes of any large city. All you need to do is fly into Hartsfield-Jackson during daylight to see that. So, how, in a city among so many trees is it so hard to find silence? The growth has been great for the economy, but I have also seen a huge change in the level of noise in Atlanta. I have found myself needing a fan to cancel out the noise at night and during the day music to silence out all the buses, cars, and trucks. I for one need to have periods of silence. I sometimes have to retreat somewhere and pull myself together. Constantly competing to be heard among the noise gets exhausting. My sister boasts that she could never live here because of how fast paced it is and that is her truth. But as much as I get overwhelmed with all of the "sounds," I sure miss them when they are gone. It is like a sick addiction. I dedicate time to escape from it but once I am gone I find myself missing it!
My favorite retreats are outdoors (which is totally counter-productive) so I have had to improvise... indoors. How is that possible? It is called meditation and it takes some serious practice. Have you ever tried to truly meditate? It is hard. The first dozen times, I could not get my brain to be quiet. I almost felt totally crazy - like yelling at myself to stop thinking! Then a meditation instructor told me that those thoughts are fine. She told me to not fight against them, but let them flow out. Take a deep breath and as you breathe out, envision dark smoke leaving your body - all of the pollution from your thoughts. As you breathe in, envision light. Imagine pure, perfect light entering your body and all of the dark smoke going out.
As I got better at meditating, I would awaken and feel completely revitalized! I also have had some of my greatest spiritual awakenings during these meditations. Writing down what I am feeling and what is being revealed to me during these times has become totally therapeutic. Sometimes I walk out of my room and run to Christian with the answer to all of the world's problems! Ha!
Do you meditate? Have you ever tried? You should! Start slow - 5 minutes here and there.
I plan to have many more conversations about meditating in the future as it is a huge part of these journals and why I created them!
xoxo
Katie
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
// Prayer and Gratitude Journaling //
New buzz word or a new take on life?
Do you ever have an idea or a way of doing things and suddenly you turn on the TV and someone has patented it and is slaying an infomercial at 2am? You think, "I've been doing that for years!" Well, that is how I feel about prayer and gratitude journaling – well, not the infomercial part. I have always journaled. I think that is why I loved blogging about our adoption journey and our little family. Writing comes natural for me.
A couple of years ago I was going through the toughest season in my life. In a matter of a year I was told that my mother was going to die of cancer and that I would not be able to have children. In that season of my life, I prayed more than I ever had before! On my knees, crying, begging, even sometimes negotiating! I started to feel the control leaving me. Trying to go to work, driving to Charlotte on the weekends to see my mom in her last days, and completely crushed that the one thing I really wanted in life was to be a mom and finding out that wouldn’t happen seemed too much to bear.
It was in these moments that I really began to understand prayer and all that my mother used to tell me. All my life I had prayed for things, but for the first time in my life, my prayers were not being answered, or so I thought. Losing my mom at 28 scared me. I feared that I would never have that relationship that a mother and daughter share. I was also sad that she would never get to see me be a mom or see how well my husband, Christian and I were doing. Throughout this difficult time, my sister and I would talk on the phone a lot. My sister, Hillary, is much older than me — more than 12 years. All of my life I had wished that we were closer in age but it wasn’t until my mom was gone that I began to understand. It all seemed to make sense — the reason that we were created so far apart would finally be revealed when Hillary would step into the role of my mom. God knew what the future held and he knew how much I needed that. She has taught me how to get my baby to sleep, how to potty train, and what to do with a strong- willed child! I have a new mother in my sister, and it was all perfectly designed by God.
Just like I never understood losing my mother at such a young age and my sister becoming my “mother role model," I also never understood why I couldn’t get pregnant. My mother had five children and my sister had three. I never once thought infertility would happen to me. To say that I was heartbroken was an understatement. I prayed that I would have a child but God had different plans. Through the miracle of adoption, he brought us the most perfect blessing, a baby girl born on Christmas morning in 2010. She is our little piece of walking perfection. She is evidence of prayer. She is truth that God always provides, just not always the way we think. He is a God of mystery but is also fair. Grace upon abounding grace.
These examples reveal an important lesson for all of us. If we go into prayer thinking that everything that we ask for will come to fruition, we are likely to be disappointed. Through years of writing my prayers and journaling I have been able to see this more clearly. Prayer isn’t in the asking, it is in the understanding. It is the understanding that all of these little moments in our lives are fleeting. There is a huge picture being painted that is our life, and we can’t just focus on one little brush stroke. It is easy to get angry when things don’t go the way we want, but if we give it time, there will always be grace. It is the ultimate submission – to pray. To admit that we are not in control and that someone else is. Faith and trust are the foundation of prayer.
I would be remiss if I didn’t say that for a large portion of my life my prayers had been very one-sided. If I wanted something, I prayed. Then, when it happened, I would scream “Hallelujah!” and never look back. Sometimes, I feel like I pray about things until they work out and then I stop. At other times I feel as though I only pray when things are bad. Then, there are the times that I would get in bed at night and begin praying and then fall asleep! This is when I realized that I needed to do better. A friend in need is a friend indeed – but I have a feeling that God wants to be more than a shoulder to cry on. He wants to share in our successes, our happiness, and our joy! After all, he is the source of all good things.
I truly feel that journaling my prayers and documenting my gratitude has been life changing. Recently I even began adding meditation into my daily routine. Spending this time in prayer and meditation has made seeing the work of God in my life so clear. I am able to write down exactly what I want from him and then relax knowing that he is in control. It is so comforting to see that sometimes I ask for things that I don’t receive and then see what he has provided instead. Garth Brooks was on to something when he said, “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” I have received some of my life’s greatest gifts through unanswered prayers – an unbreakable relationship with my sister and a beautiful daughter created just for us.So, is prayer and gratitude journaling just a new buzz word? Not for me, I have been doing it for years. I cannot wait to share with you the beautiful tools that I have created to perhaps guide you in your new take on life! They are COMING!
xoxo
Katie
Do you ever have an idea or a way of doing things and suddenly you turn on the TV and someone has patented it and is slaying an infomercial at 2am? You think, "I've been doing that for years!" Well, that is how I feel about prayer and gratitude journaling – well, not the infomercial part. I have always journaled. I think that is why I loved blogging about our adoption journey and our little family. Writing comes natural for me.
A couple of years ago I was going through the toughest season in my life. In a matter of a year I was told that my mother was going to die of cancer and that I would not be able to have children. In that season of my life, I prayed more than I ever had before! On my knees, crying, begging, even sometimes negotiating! I started to feel the control leaving me. Trying to go to work, driving to Charlotte on the weekends to see my mom in her last days, and completely crushed that the one thing I really wanted in life was to be a mom and finding out that wouldn’t happen seemed too much to bear.
It was in these moments that I really began to understand prayer and all that my mother used to tell me. All my life I had prayed for things, but for the first time in my life, my prayers were not being answered, or so I thought. Losing my mom at 28 scared me. I feared that I would never have that relationship that a mother and daughter share. I was also sad that she would never get to see me be a mom or see how well my husband, Christian and I were doing. Throughout this difficult time, my sister and I would talk on the phone a lot. My sister, Hillary, is much older than me — more than 12 years. All of my life I had wished that we were closer in age but it wasn’t until my mom was gone that I began to understand. It all seemed to make sense — the reason that we were created so far apart would finally be revealed when Hillary would step into the role of my mom. God knew what the future held and he knew how much I needed that. She has taught me how to get my baby to sleep, how to potty train, and what to do with a strong- willed child! I have a new mother in my sister, and it was all perfectly designed by God.
Just like I never understood losing my mother at such a young age and my sister becoming my “mother role model," I also never understood why I couldn’t get pregnant. My mother had five children and my sister had three. I never once thought infertility would happen to me. To say that I was heartbroken was an understatement. I prayed that I would have a child but God had different plans. Through the miracle of adoption, he brought us the most perfect blessing, a baby girl born on Christmas morning in 2010. She is our little piece of walking perfection. She is evidence of prayer. She is truth that God always provides, just not always the way we think. He is a God of mystery but is also fair. Grace upon abounding grace.
These examples reveal an important lesson for all of us. If we go into prayer thinking that everything that we ask for will come to fruition, we are likely to be disappointed. Through years of writing my prayers and journaling I have been able to see this more clearly. Prayer isn’t in the asking, it is in the understanding. It is the understanding that all of these little moments in our lives are fleeting. There is a huge picture being painted that is our life, and we can’t just focus on one little brush stroke. It is easy to get angry when things don’t go the way we want, but if we give it time, there will always be grace. It is the ultimate submission – to pray. To admit that we are not in control and that someone else is. Faith and trust are the foundation of prayer.
I would be remiss if I didn’t say that for a large portion of my life my prayers had been very one-sided. If I wanted something, I prayed. Then, when it happened, I would scream “Hallelujah!” and never look back. Sometimes, I feel like I pray about things until they work out and then I stop. At other times I feel as though I only pray when things are bad. Then, there are the times that I would get in bed at night and begin praying and then fall asleep! This is when I realized that I needed to do better. A friend in need is a friend indeed – but I have a feeling that God wants to be more than a shoulder to cry on. He wants to share in our successes, our happiness, and our joy! After all, he is the source of all good things.
I truly feel that journaling my prayers and documenting my gratitude has been life changing. Recently I even began adding meditation into my daily routine. Spending this time in prayer and meditation has made seeing the work of God in my life so clear. I am able to write down exactly what I want from him and then relax knowing that he is in control. It is so comforting to see that sometimes I ask for things that I don’t receive and then see what he has provided instead. Garth Brooks was on to something when he said, “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” I have received some of my life’s greatest gifts through unanswered prayers – an unbreakable relationship with my sister and a beautiful daughter created just for us.So, is prayer and gratitude journaling just a new buzz word? Not for me, I have been doing it for years. I cannot wait to share with you the beautiful tools that I have created to perhaps guide you in your new take on life! They are COMING!
xoxo
Katie
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
// signs //
First things first... OMG! My heart is happy! Thank you for all of the love! I have received so many sweet messages, emails, and texts about my last post!
Everyone really wants to know all of the deets – I know :) I just can't quite let the cat out of the bag yet! Instead, I am going to ramble a little today about how CRAZY this entire experience has been!
I believe in signs. I actually LOOK for them. When I came up with this crazy idea to create this journal, I spent a lot of time visualizing it. I wanted to see it in my mind, see people using it, and see their lives changing!
Throughout the design process, there have been so many walls. Some days I wake up and feel super confident about my ability and my idea. Other days, I wake up thinking that I better quit before I get too deep. Of course Christian has really been pushing it. He has been my number one supporter and may very well be my first customer - LOL! When I thought my ideas were nuts, he kept telling me, "do it from the right place, do it from love." Still, I needed more.
The first step to deciding if this was even a good idea was of course "market research" – aka, find out if anyone already has your idea. So, my friend Heather and I went to our first ever trade show. Wow! (More on that later) We arrived downtown at AmericasMart where we pulled in and I spotted a perfect parking spot. We got out and Heather said, "We should take a picture!" So as I am posing I look down and notice the parking spot number – 143. Many of you may not even remember this but when we were in high school and college, few people had cell phones, most had pagers, Christian included. We used to make up cheesy codes to page each other with. One such code was "143" which meant "I love you." So cheesy, I know. However, it hit me. Christian was always telling me to create this journal from a place of love and there was my sign!
Another crazy coincidence came when I put a post out on our neighborhood page looking for a web builder. Several people responded but one neighbor in particular really drew me in. She was super casual and offered to meet for coffee (even though she only drinks tea – hi Katuschka!) As we were texting on the details she asked for a little background as to what I was creating. I sent her my preface which included some references to our adoption journey. She responded back and said that she is actually an adoption specialist – I then told her that we were actually starting the process again. I asked who she worked with and to my surprise it was the SAME agency! It was so crazy! The crazier part is that because of our proximity to each other, she should be our social worker but for some strange reason, they assigned us to someone else! No conflict of interest meant that she was hired! I couldn't help but think that this was all God's hand. He led me to someone whom he knew would share my vision.
The third coincidence or "divine intervention" involved the design... and Target of course. I had been trying to visualize my logo and brand identity. I was really struggling here. One night while laying in bed just staring at the ceiling praying for a sign, one came to me... a palm leaf! I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it in the morning. The next day I sketched the design, sent it to my designer to finish and there it was! All day I still wondered if it was perfect... that afternoon I walked into Target and the first thing that my eyes saw was an advertisement that had a giant palm leaf on it. I knew that the palm was it. Yet, another sign to guide and energize me!
Like I said, there have been a dozen crazy moments that have given me the confidence to move on - I have written them all down and perhaps will share some more of them along the way.
Thanks for following along!
xoxo
Katie
The third coincidence or "divine intervention" involved the design... and Target of course. I had been trying to visualize my logo and brand identity. I was really struggling here. One night while laying in bed just staring at the ceiling praying for a sign, one came to me... a palm leaf! I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it in the morning. The next day I sketched the design, sent it to my designer to finish and there it was! All day I still wondered if it was perfect... that afternoon I walked into Target and the first thing that my eyes saw was an advertisement that had a giant palm leaf on it. I knew that the palm was it. Yet, another sign to guide and energize me!
Like I said, there have been a dozen crazy moments that have given me the confidence to move on - I have written them all down and perhaps will share some more of them along the way.
Thanks for following along!
xoxo
Katie
Monday, May 2, 2016
// Making Mom Proud //
Eeeeeek! Have you ever had that feeling like you are so excited that you are literally going to BURST? That is me – right now.
Last year I decided to take some time off from blogging about our family and instead completely engulfed myself in an idea that quite literally came to me in a moment of daydreaming. For the last twelve months I have been tirelessly working with a graphic designer on an idea that I am unapologetically proud of and know is making my mom do the happy dance up there in heaven.
I have always been a daydreamer. The problem with my daydreams is that often times they are stressful. All that jazz about relaxing in a hammock and letting your mind wander is crazy. If my mind wanders, I start stressing about life and all the ridiculousness in it. That all changed when I met an acupuncturist who spoke to me about visualization. I told her that I do visualize but that I always end up somewhere that I don't want to be! She then explained to me that I am not visualizing, I am daydreaming. She said,
"Katie, daydreaming is useless activity that your brain participates in
that leaves you no where better off – Visualizing on the other hand is productive.
Visualization is seeing yourself doing something, completing something, defeating something.
Daydreaming for most people is negative, but visualization is positive."
From that point on, I have worked to train my brain not to daydream but to visualize. This visualization process evolved into spiritual meditation. Those meditations became conversations. Those conversations became life-changing.
This year-long journey working on this project is all because of my desire to document, journal, and grow. It started with something that I have always done – write, and ended with a beautiful tool :) When deciding what to call my little project, I felt I owed it to the one who has taught me everything that I know - my mom, Elizabeth Edmiston.
Ahhhh! I am so excited to share this labor of love with all of you!
This blog is a temporary home for my thoughts while my official website is being worked on. Please follow along to find out more! It's going to be awesome! --------------------------------------- >
xoxo
Katie
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