// what do we need to give up //

For years I have read blogs, Facebook articles, and magazine clippings highlighting ways to "simplify" your life and lately I am wishing that I would have paid more attention.  Most of these articles are geared towards moms who find it hard to manage all of the day to day tasks with being an effective mother and human.  I have never looked too hard into them because I honestly have always felt that I had it all together.  Talking to other moms whose heads were literally spinning made no sense to me... until now.
I have no idea why, but in the last few months, I have felt like a maniac!  To give you some perspective, let me tell you about all the hats that I wear:

- business owner
- teacher
- mother
- wife
- maid
- laundress
- soccer coach
- travel agent
- driver
- fundraiser
- friend
- lawn maintenance extraordinaire
- daughter
- sister
- general contractor

I am sure that I am missing some, I will remember when someone sends me an email and tells me that I missed a meeting or when my daughter tells me that I forgot to send her to school with something.  Geez.  So yeah, I am busy.

Many things on that list I cannot just give up.  I am driven as an entrepreneur, I love teaching, motherhood is my calling, I take pride in being a good wife, I hate being the maid but hate messes even more, I should have passed on the coaching but it is too late, I hate planning vacations but I NEED them, if I quit driving no one will get anywhere, fundraising keeps me grounded, my friends give me LIFE, I actually enjoy yardwork when I have the time, I don't talk to my dad nearly enough, and my siblings may have forgotten who I am... Oh, and my husband bought a second house that I am in charge of.

So, last week, I started really feeling crazy.  I don't know what exactly caused it, but I LOST it.  I started crying and went to bed alone at like 730.  The next day, my husband starts prying, "What is going on?"  At that moment I finally admitted,

"I am doing too much."  

So, like a man, he wants to fix it.  But the truth is,  I don't even know where to start!  So, I decided to sit down and go through my roles and see where my stress was coming from.

Here are three take-aways from that session:

1. Our children's schools ask way too damn much.  Yes, I want to be involved, but SERIOUSLY.  This is crazy!  I spent 5 years at home with Bailey preparing her for school, and now that she is there, all I get is emails about additional stuff to do!  I know for a FACT that my mom never did any of it, especially with five children.  I mean, dress up day, class gifts, conferences, field trips, box tops, fundraisers, teacher appreciation, out of uniform money, field day, carpool, aftercare, BLAH BLAH BLAH!  It is insanity.  What ever happened to going to school, learning, and coming home.

2.  Social media has lost it's novelty.  I used to LOVE social media... until I started a business.  Now all I do is stay awake trying to come up with "content" because no one wants to just look at pictures... Really?  I love pictures!  Go figure.  I miss the days of trolling exes, now everything is business and it takes a ton of my time.

3.  Communication has gotten too complicated.  I feel like everyone in the world is trying to complicate a truly simple thing - communication.  When I want to tell you something, I call or text you.  Simple.  Now, businesses, schools, work and clients all want to come up with new ways of communicating whether it be apps, websites, portals, or transcendental meditation!  I mean, COME ON!  Just send me an email or text, hell, write me a letter!

So, these are the three biggest contributors to my disorganization: over-complexity, time suckers, and poor communication.  Now, time to fix.

• I deleted Twitter and Snapchat (Pinterest may be next) and am focusing all of my efforts to Facebook and Instagram. If you want to know about my business, that is where you can find me.  
• As far as my child's school, I am working on a time that I can set aside to check all her 500 portals daily.  I tried early morning and that doesn't always work and evenings can be touch and go.  Still looking for recommendations on that.  
• As for communication, maybe I am trying to communicate with too many people.  So, for now, I am focusing on my little family.  As I get more comfortable in my new routines, I will begin adding more people. In the meantime, if you need me, call or text me.

I would LOVE to hear about your struggles to stay sane and some suggestions about how you juggle all of your roles.  Women, stand in solidarity.

// how to forgive //

I was driving the other day and this feeling came over me ~ I can't really describe it except, it hurt.  It made me feel almost sick.  It's that feeling when you are just minding your own business and all of the sudden a memory comes into your mind that makes you shutter, makes year heart pound, makes you nauseous. Do you know what I am talking about?

I have found that these feelings can usually be sorted into one of two categories - forgive them or forgive myself.  And today, I am talking about how to forgive yourself.  Yeah, that one.  And I can say, that I am no expert, but I have had a lot of experience.  I have learned a thing or two, and I think it is worth sharing.

Sometimes, the only thing worse than being hurt by someone that you love, is being hurt by yourself. Yep, I've done that.  I have had some "not so glamorous moments" that I wish I could forget, but they just bubble up every once in a while, and shake me to pieces.  There are two that come to mind often: a falling out with a very close friend and this one time in high school I lied so bad to my mom that I STILL think about it and I hate myself for it!

I have read a lot of books on forgiveness and heard a lot of sermons, but ultimately, I have had to come up with my own way to deal with the hurt.  Usually, when I know that I have done something to hurt someone, the first phase is guilt (and that is a good thing!).  If you don't feel guilt, well, that is a WAAAAAY bigger problem.  After the guilt come the steps...

1. Be honest about it.  Human nature's reaction to guilt is to defend yourself and even lie.  Whatever it takes.  But, the lies and denial only blow smoke at the problem.  To truly set yourself free, you have to be honest.  That is where journaling really helps me.  I write out the entire scenario then read it.  I try to think about how I would feel, and what I would do.  Oftentimes, being truthful with myself is where I really grow.  I start to see what others see. This is the first step.

2. The second step is acceptance.  I always hear people say, "Well, it is what it is." Oh, really?  It's that easy for you?  Because I wring my wrists for weeks over something before I can accept it!  Geez.   But yes, acceptance is necessary.  The reality is, we can't change our past.  And the good news is, our life is like a long line where we have to (need to) move forward.  If we keep going back, we miss out on what is ahead.  I could wallow in the pain of something forever, but then that would only deny me the opportunity to experience joy in new things, hopefully new AND better!

3.  The last step is obvious, move on.  This one is always hard.  This is the real deal - you are officially tapping out and walking away.  There is no turning back, no reunion, no second chance.  It is over.  For some, this step is what finally liberates them and allows them to breathe again, but for others, this step is the one that keeps them in limbo.  I always find it helpful to think of times that people have hurt me - what they did does not necessarily define them, and what you did does not define you.  We are fickle creatures and all fall short of glory.

Too often, we share how others have hurt us, but we rarely talk about how we may have hurt others.  What are you struggling to forgive yourself for?  What is on your heart?  Let's start with honesty.

// finding hope //

During last year's election, I all but completely got off of social media.  Don't worry, I'm NOT going to get political here, just building the plot.  Anyhow, all I wanted to do was get on Facebook and Instagram and troll all of my friends and their beautiful families, businesses that I compulsively shop with, and the occasional stalking of a past boyfriend.  But, every time I scrolled, I found negativity, bullying, rage, hate, lack of understanding, and on and on and on.  I would turn to my husband (who is on NO social media outlets) and tell him how crazy people were!  One day, he said so matter of factly, "unfriend them" ~ and that is exactly what I did.

From that moment forward, everyone who passive aggressively "shared" an article, expressed psychoticness, or posted some bullyish meme got the axe.  I can tell you that doing this made me feel free!  Now I could return to seeing what I WANTED to see and not have to get caught up in the insanity of the things that I didn't.  Now, this may seem close minded, but hear me out.  I didn't admonish these "friends" because we didn't agree politically, I unfollowed them because they had no hope, and their outlook of gloom was becoming contagious!

See, I still believe in that silly thing called hope - and not hope in flawed humans.  I believe that things can always be worse, and that often times these issues are only tiny ripples in time.  What I noticed about all of these people was not their political views, but that they lacked hope.  They lacked the ability to see good.  They spent all day focusing on the bad and then felt the need to "share" their misery with everyone else!  You know who I am talking about... the ones who are cynical, skeptical, and live in despair.  Ultimately, I agree with a lot of what these people say, but, I have hope for better.  I realize that sharing articles and raging against the world online is not the solution.

My life has not been all unicorns and rainbows.  I have been through and seen a lot - personally and as a member of a large family who I suffer right beside.  Together we have experienced cancer, divorce, death, drug addiction, infertility, prison, infidelity, depression, division, disagreement, legal issues and the list goes on. 

Staying positive is not easy in this life, for ANYONE.  Just because you are rich does not mean you don't have problems and just because you are poor doesn't mean you have more.  All along, I have found something inside of me that has enabled me to remain positive, bright, smiley, and even a little naive.  It is called hope.

Here are a few ways that YOU can cultivate HOPE next time life gets crazy:

1.  Document your growth.  Each time I face a period of hopelessness, the outlook seems pretty bad, but I get through!  When it is over, looking back is important.  Look back and think about what you see.  Who were you in that time?  Who are you now?  How have you changed?  Grown?  I can tell you times in my life where something happened and I thought I was going to DIE.  As soon as the storm cleared, I looked back and the message was as clear as day.  My biggest lessons have been on pride, perfection, and trust.  Nearly EVERY trial in my life has revealed these three themes to me as things that I need to work on.  We all have our baggage, but the TRUE meaning of this life is to GROW.  What is this life trying to teach you about yourself?  Remember, character is forged in the fire of tribulation.

2.  Secondly, take some inventory.  After the tragedy, what is left?  In the history of the world, no one has truly lost EVERYTHING.  Make a list of what you still have that gives you joy.  Rest your hope in those things.  If I lost my job, my home, and my dog, I would find hope in still having my family, more time, and less chores!  This is what I mean by finding HOPE.  If you find yourself hiding in your house watching the news and reading about politics, STOP.  Turn it off and take some inventory, what do you still have.  Invest in that.

3.  Reflect.  Surely, this is not the first time that you have suffered.  And it likely won't be the last.  How did you handle yourself last time?  Did you survive? (of course) What did you feel like during that time?  How do you feel now?  These are all questions to reflect on.  This is where keeping a daily journal really helps.   The reason that I have found so much peace and hope is because I look back on times when I felt it was all going to come crashing down, and then saw how that mess fell perfectly together into a new beginning.  Writing my struggles AND blessings gives me a sense of peace, a sense of calm, and most of all a sense of HOPE that this is not the end, only the beginning!

If you haven't already, give our journals a try!  They are truly the most beautiful little things and the format that I have created will help you cultivate a life full of hope!

As this school year comes to an end, I am finding hope in our future through my students.  I see them working hard and forging into the next phase of their life with zeal, perseverance, and focus!

// lessons from my mother //

When asked what the greatest lesson was that I learned from my mother - I can mutter off 1000. Today, I have chosen 7. Some serious, some funny. My mother was born on September 21, 1944. She lost her battle with cancer on April 28, 2009 at the age of 64 but her advice and lessons still ring loud and clear.

Lessons from my mother:


Dessert Is Fine for Dinner
My dad traveled a lot growing up and my mom and I found ourselves eating out much of the time. The best nights were when she said, "Let's go to Harpers and get a milkshake for dinner." Today, I look back on those nights and smile. Just me and mom, having a gourmet milkshake... for dinner.
I will definitely do this with Bailey.

When to Walk Away
My parents never let me quit anything. I can recall taking piano lessons, gymnastics, dance, swim team, guitar lessons, soccer, softball, and dive team all at the same time. I remember being so tired of always having somewhere to be! I wanted to skip all the time, or just not go ever again - but my mom always made me finish it out. All that ended in high school... Tough story to tell still to this day, but I had a soccer coach who really had it out for me and basically quit playing me my senior year. At that time, it was unbearable. I felt my whole life was crashing around me. Starting on that team for 3 years and all of the sudden not even getting to sub in - well, one night, I looked in the stand, saw my mom sitting there and thought "this is crazy - I'm done".
I grabbed my bag, didn't say a word to anyone - not even my coach and walked off up into the stands. I walked to my parents and said, "I quit."
They just got up, and walked out with me. We never talked about it - but I knew that they understood why I did it. Turns out, that experience messed me up so bad that I did not touch a soccer ball again for years! I have also learned that I am not the only person to endure such... I have friends with permanent psychological damage from a jerk of a coach. Perhaps, these coaches don't really know the power that they have.
I will remember this when Bailey starts playing sports.

A Clean Home is a Clean Conscience
My mom cleaned more than any woman I know. My sister and I joke to this day that our mom ruined cleaning for us. I LOVE things clean, but just have some block about doing it. My mom vacuumed EVERYDAY. Every room. Every corner. Every window.
On Saturday's before we could even consider going out to play, we had to clean our room and our bathroom. Easy right? Ugh, no. We had to use a cup of warm water and ammonia and a toothbrush and clean ALL of our baseboards and window sills. Dust every corner, shelf, ceiling, and crevice. Clean the hardwoods with a rag and vacuum the rug until perfect vacuum lines could be seen. Ridiculous. When I was older, I asked my mom about her cleaning obsession.
She told me,

"A clean home is a clean conscience." 

Now that I am tasked with running my home, I couldn't agree more. I work out a lot of problems in my head while cleaning - truth. I will have to remember this for Bailey ;)


Be Faithful
My mother was such an image of what God was looking for in a Christian woman. She walked with God everyday of her life. Many did not understand my mom - she was gentle in the way you need to be to be a mother but also firm when it came to rules. My mom had no problem calling you out if you were rude, disrespectful, or not Christ-like... and that can rub you the wrong way. But then you grow up, and realize that she was right :)
She used to always tell me that it was my job to lead my family in faith and to this day, I make it my work.

Be Supportive
With all of the sports and activities that I did - one thing my mom showed was how to be supportive. She never missed a game, a recital, or a concert. And there were literally hundreds. I remember being younger and my parents picking up my teammates to ride with us to the game - but never me... my Mom was ALWAYS there, sitting in the stands, cheering... my biggest fan.
I strive to always be Bailey's biggest fan - whatever her talent.

Always Wear Blush
I die when I see girls on their way to school these days - in sweat pants and Uggs! When we were in school, we dressed to the NINES - not just in high school, but coming all the way up!
I distinctly remember getting blush on my cheeks for school pictures in kindergarten! My mom even curled my hair for softball games! She told us it was important to ALWAYS look your best, even when it seemed unnecessary.
When my sister had her first child, she was like most moms and laid up in the house wearing a moo moo with no make up. My mom went over one morning and gasped...
"Hillary! Where is your make-up? You need to wash your hair!"
My sister was like, "Uh, I just had a baby" My mom then lectured her on how important it was to wake up every morning, do your hair and makeup and look good. Hey, there are lots of eligible women out there... you need to always keep your men coming back!
To this day, I wear liquid liner on any day that ends in "Y".

Don't Be a Leaky Roof
My sister and I nearly fall out on the floor when we recollect this story. It is one of our favorites.
My mom once read me these verses:

Proverbs 27:15 A quarellsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.

Proverbs 21:9 A man would rather live on the corner of a roof than share a 

house with a quarrelsome wife. 

I don't know why we think it is so funny that nagging women are compared to a leaky roof!! Or that a man would rather hunch on the corner of a house than live in it with a crazy wife!!! Hysterical. But nonetheless true... I know a few of these women and I can honestly say that their husbands would agree. My mother was good at NOT being a nag and staying off my dad's back in order to create peace and harmony in our home. That is very important to have when raising these little kids :)


My mom was never able to see me become a mother but I can feel her presence at times when I am having quiet time, praying and journaling. My mom's obituary really spoke of who she was - I hope to have so many fabulous things written of me when I leave this world :)

Happy Mother's Day!

ELIZABETH "Betty" MAYS WEILAND

Mrs. Weiland, age 64, of Charlotte, NC went home to be with the Lord on April 28, 2009.

Daughter, wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, sister, sister-in-law, aunt, cousin and friend were all titles she proudly held. Betty performed all of these roles with great passion, love and delight. Daughter of Mary Frances Anderson Mays and Thomas James Mays, she was born in Cheverly, Maryland on September 21, 1944. She fell in love with James Richard Weiland, Jr., her sweetheart since the 10th grade at Sprayberry High School in Marietta, Georgia. They both graduated from the University of Georgia in Athens in 1966 and 1967 respectively, where she was recognized for her academic achievements by being tapped into the honor societies of Phi Kappa Phi and Beta Gama Sigma. Richard and Betty married on October 20, 1966. They joyfully raised five children predominantly in their home of 35 years in Charlotte, NC. Betty was an active member of Providence Road Church of Christ where she fervently and enthusiastically involved herself in the Ladies Bible Class as both a student and teacher. She felt she was purposed to be a mother and a wife and did both with a passion of love and devotion. She was a loyal friend and a remarkable woman and will be greatly missed by those who were lucky enough to have known her or to have been loved by her. Her definition of success is that one be heaven bound when they leave this earth.

Betty is survived by her precious mother, Mary Frances Mays of Marietta, Georgia; her cherished husband, James Richard Weiland, Jr. of Weddington; three sons, James Richard Weiland III and his wife Mary Sklar Weiland of Charlotte, Thomas M. Weiland and his wife Leah Gulledge Weiland of Blythewood, S.C., and Ward Weiland of Weddington, N.C. ; two daughters, Hillary Weiland Cameron and her husband William Luther (Billy) Cameron of Weddington, N.C. and Mary Kathryn Weiland Cooper and her husband Christian Riley Cooper of Atlanta, GA. She has one treasured brother and sister-in-law, Thomas Anderson Mays and Marinan Mays of Mableton, GA; and, twelve beloved grandchildren – Joshua Scott Weiland, Anna Leigh Weiland, Edie Cameron, Emma Weiland, Billy Cameron, Alexandra Weiland, Sadie Cameron, Abigail Weiland, Elizabeth Weiland, Harrison Sklar, Ryan Sklar, and Jake Sklar. She is also survived by her dear mother-in-law, Myrtle Baxter Weiland of Marietta, Georgia as well as numerous cousins, nieces, and nephews.

Honorary pall bearers are: Cousins, Fred McLaughlin, Jim McLaughlin, Walter Puryear, Frank Puryear, and Edgar Anderson; loyal and faithful college friends Bill Peers and Philip Hudgins; true-blue friends and neighbors Rodney McSwain and George Varnell, genuine friend and shepherd Charles Dowdy; special high school friends, Henry Garmon, Bill Bryson, David Travitz, Bobby Ross, and Chuck Phillips; prized nephews, Aaron Mays and Dawson Mays; always kind and cordial brother-in-law, Mike Fortenberry; and friend since the age of four, Kenneth Tillery.

Mom... the rebel

Mom and her parents and brother

My mom spent most of her summers on the family farm in Franklin, Tennessee

second from the bottom on the right 

My Mom and Dad at high school prom

my mom with my oldest brother and sister... look at those GAMS!

If you are still looking for a thoughtful gift for your mom, grandmother, stepmother, mother-in-law, or any mother mentors in your life, consider one of our beautiful journals!

// rebirth //

There is a billboard right off of I-20 here in Atlanta that reads,

"Your past does not define, it prepares."  

I drive past it at least twelve times a week, and every time I read it, it is as if it were the first time. I know too many people that struggle with the scars of their past.  I have friends who have divorced and feel that they could never know love or better yet marry again, others who struggle with the guilt of abortion and wonder if they even deserve to be a mother now, and people who have battled addiction for years, and wonder if they will ever be cured.
This life is hard. It can be difficult to find healing, peace, and resolution. But, let me tell you that there is hope, a hope that YOU can be reborn.
Every spring the plants are reborn with fresh blooms and every winter they whither away and go dormant. This is the cycle of life.  Even us, HUMANS, go into dormant periods - and just like the flowers in the spring, we too can experience rebirth.
That billboard is a constant reminder that whatever your past. whatever your pain, whatever your affliction, there is hope of rebirth for you! These struggles are preparing you for greater things... greater peace, greater love, and greater strength.

// perfectly imperfect //

The other week I tried out a new yoga studio with a friend.  I prefer hot yoga because something about walking out of there soaking wet with sweat makes me feel accomplished.

Anyhow, the instructor was awesome.  She had this presence that was inspiring.  Yes, she talked us through the poses, but in between discussing form and function, she carried on with an inspirational message: perfectly imperfect.

As she walked us through the hardest seventy five minutes of my life, she applied this phrase to our yoga practice, life, friendships, relationships, spirituality, EVERYTHING.  It really made me realize, that everything in my life is truly perfectly imperfect... and, I like it.

If you get on social media, all you see is perfect!  For me, I follow industry leaders and influencers and they all seem the same.  Perfect house, perfect white walls, white couches, architectural chairs, organized shelves, and beautiful fiddle leaf trees.  It is really exhausting. I look at my house and see dog hair tumbleweeds, fingerprints on the walls, handprints on all the doors, grey couches that if you could see all the stains you would die, pen marks on all my chairs, and a dying orchid.

But you know what? This house is full of love.  These dogs are loved more than is probably normal, those fingerprints and handprints are the result of excitement from a thriving six year old, those couches have seated dozens of friends and family, those chairs serve as a craft station for a little artist, and well, the orchid... it had a good run.

It is hard to feel successful when there are all those perfect people out there.  So, my message today is this... stop.  You will never catch up, and it doesn't even matter.  Do what makes you happy.  Be a blessing to someone in this life.  Raise happy children in a stress free home.  Create a space where people feel comfortable.

Maybe one day my house will look like museum, but for now, it is a home... our home.  And we are all just fine with it being perfectly imperfect.


xoxo

My perfectly imperfect

// 36 things about ME //

Ahhhh!  Today marks my 36th year on this Earth and in honor of that, I am sharing 36 things about me ~ some serious, some funny, some quirky, and even some embarrassing!

1.  French Fries are my love language - I have never met a fry that I didn't like.

2.  I have been a nail biter all of my life!  I will literally bite them until they bleed ~ in light of that,
I have worn false nails since 9th grade!

3.  I was a History Major.  

I actually never liked studying history until college ~ 

my professors were so good at teaching and bringing the past to life!

4.  I am the youngest of 5 children - 3 boys and 2 girls.  

5.  I have been a competitive athlete my entire life.  

I played traveling soccer and softball from 5th-12th grade.

6.  I have asthma.  

When I was younger, I always had bad asthma attacks, 

but now I just wheeze when I eat things that I am allergic to.

I don't leave home without my rescue inhaler.

7.  I really want to love oysters, but I can't.  

They disgust me.  People always look so cool eating them, but I just can't do it.

8.  I LOVE the beach!  

I went to college at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, but I won't go in 

past my knees!  I do not play when it comes to sharks or jellyfish.

9.  My husband Christian and I started dating my freshman year of college, but 

have known each other since 9th grade.  We have been together 18 years, 12 of them married.  

We truly share a soul.  Co-dependancy is real people.

10.  I hate texting.  If people text me, I usually just call them back.

11.  I cannot sleep in silence.  I have to have a fan or diffuser going.

12.  I love pickles but can't stand the seeds.  I cut the guts out of pickles before I eat them!

13.  Clutter is Enemy #1.  

I don't care how "clean" the house is as long as there isn't stuff laying around!

I have thrown out so many important things during spells of "violent purging" of clutter.

14.  I rarely cook.  I don't enjoy it and loathe the mess.  Christian does all the cooking.

15.  I am naturally a brunette.  

I have been coloring my hair since 9th grade and it just keeps getting blonder, and blonder, and...

16.  I love spicy food!  Point me towards the spiciest dish!

17.  I bought the first wedding dress that I tried on.

18.  I cannot drink caffeinated coffee.  

I literally get so shaky and anxious that I think I am going to explode! Decaf is my friend.

19.  My musical crush is John Mayer. Yuuuuum.

20.  I cannot touch raw meat, especially chicken.  

It is so gross that I have almost become a vegetarian... but I would probably only eat fries.

21.  I never make my bed. (unless company is coming over)  

But, I do rearrange the sheets perfectly every night before I get in.

22.  I am a Real Housewives JUNKIE!  I watch all of the cities!

I am waiting for a million dollar RH trivia contest, I will win.

23.  I can't stand long distance running.  I am a great sprinter though!

I want to be a runner, but I literally hate it.  

24.  My favorite drinks in order: Margarita (not too sweet), Champagne, Rose.  

I never drink beer - so gross.

25.  I have always wanted to be a weather forecaster.  

I am obsessed with weather and read weather news daily.  

When I am home during the day, I just keep the Weather Channel on!

26.  I get spray tans weekly.

27.  I have been to 11 countries.

Germany, Austria, Italy, France, Spain, Mexico, Bahamas, St, Maarten, Jamaica, Japan and China

We can't wait to visit more!  We are super excited to start taking Bailey with us.

28.  My mother died when I was 28.  

For the first year, I would call her cell phone and listen to her voicemail recording.

Even now, whenever something exciting happens, a part of me tries to call her. 

29.  My life goal is to one day write a book.

30.  I am actually a really good singer!  

In high school I performed the national anthem at a Charlotte Hornets game 

and Amazing Grace at both of my grandparents' funerals -
in college I sang with the traveling Chamber Choir.

31.  I will not leave my house without foundation on.  

I just cannot let people see my raw face! Even to go work out!

32.  I got my first ever cavity this year!  I am still unclear as to how the heck that happened!

33.  I take Epsom salt baths every night and attribute that to why I haven't been sick in 4 years. 

Until this weekend... geez.

34.  My celebrity crush is Robert Downing Jr. ~ Yummy.

35.  Christian and I wanted five kids - we had already named all of them.

36.  We adopted our only daughter, Bailey.  

She was born on Christmas morning in 2010.


xoxo,

// the gift of laughter //

When we are down and out, laughter is about the most painful noise to our ears.  It becomes almost a mockery - as if everyone is laughing at us!  Here I am over here trying to retreat to an area to sulk and mope in my pain and can hear this faint giggling in the background!  How can people be so relaxed?  Do they have no respect for all of us over here suffering?

Sounds silly doesn't it.  It wasn't until I had a child that I realized how sad it is to deprive yourself of laughter.  It only took my daughter being upset about something one time and me trying to make her laugh, and watching how angry it made her!  It has really nothing to do with not laughing, and everything to do with the self-pity and anger.  I was working to cheer her up and could see her denying herself the simplest of pleasures - laughter!

We talked about it and I told her that she really had to stop taking herself so seriously.  Self-pity and ego-feeding are not virtues that anyone respects.  It is time to lighten up!  When we learn to laugh at ourselves, we are admitting that there are some things that we cannot control, but it won't take away from our happiness.  No person, thing, event, or circumstance can steal our joy.

Today, I invite you to practice laughing even when it hurts.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  Stop punishing those around you that want to be happy.  Enjoy this life.

xoxo

"For the despondent, every day brings trouble; but for the happy heart, life is a continual feast."

Proverbs 15:15

// be more intentional and purposeful with family //

Do you ever get so busy that you can slowly see your world around you unraveling? I do!

My tribe (husband, child, dogs) apparently use me as their beacon for all things. For instance, November was SUPER busy for me!  I did TWO holiday markets and was drowning in packing and fulfilling orders. Bailey came home from school and in one week alone, got her card pulled three times, my dogs pooped all over the house while I was away, and my husband had NOTHING to wear to work!

During times like those, I find that I get so deep into the tailspin that I can't even recover.  Sometimes, I just have to ride out the storm and clean up the mess when it is over.  I don't think that there is anything particularly "wrong" with being busy, but when I am not, I try to utilize that time a little better.

These are three tried and true tips for how to be more intentional with your days with your family, and they are EASY!

1.  Dig Deep. I mean, spending all day working with the energy of a Olympic runner and then trying to be equally as energetic at home at night is hard.  But, remember the old adage, "Energy produces energy." When we spend time with our family, it is meaningful and doing things that are meaningful draw an entirely new type of energy.  Merely crashing at night means that you are floating through life uninspired.  Take the time every day to be still and enjoy a couple minutes of silence with your loved ones.

2.  Be Present.  Think of time with your kids like a date night.  You wouldn't sit on your phone across the table from your date, and you surely shouldn't with your kids.  Unplug.  When I commit to just sitting with Bailey and doing an activity with her, I get lost in it!  I recently came across a study that said that the average working mom spent only 13 minutes a day giving her children one-on-one attention.  Better yet, stay at home moms only gave 15!  Being with your kids while folding laundry is not the same as being with your kids and playing Candyland - that time is not focused, the latter is. It is the best feeling to be completely connected and the more you do it, the more you will keep going back. The water that springs from that well is the best.

3.  Put on your mask first.  I once read an article where a mom was describing the need for women, especially mothers, to fill their own cup first.  She described parenting like being on an airplane with your kids and the cabin loses pressure.  Whose mask do you put on first?  Instincts tell you to take care of your kids first, but if you don't care for yourself first, you can't take care of your kids.  It's in the safety manual people!  So, sometimes we need to go fill our own cup so we can be better parents, wives, friends, and co-workers.,. and that is ok.


xoxo

This was Bailey when she was just 2 months old.
Looking back at old pictures is a good reminder to enjoy this time. (tear)

// what is going on? //

Good gracious.  Our world is total turmoil.  I honestly cannot remember a time where people were so loud and just "out there!"  Is the world really ending or are people just more vocal?

As part of my 2017 goals, I decided to remove people from my life that are toxic or stir angst in me :: translation :: mainly people on social media.  I think I literally only have five Facebook friends anymore as I have had to "stop seeing" ninety five percent of the people that I know.  

And you know what?  It's not WHAT people are posting, it is THAT they are posting.  I literally "CAN'T" with all the insane article sharing, shade throwing, and just plain mean stuff that I read!  I constantly find myself asking, "Would they actually say that to a person to their face?"  One night I read through a argument that was unfolding on my news feed between two high school friends and showed it to Christian.  We read it out loud, imagining that these two people were in a room, face to face, saying these things!  It was crazy!  Certainly no one would speak to someone like that in real life!  

I feel like computers have people feeling super confident - they can sit back, perfectly articulate something nasty, and then post it with no repercussions!  It makes my heart hurt.  If only we could all get off the internet and into our actual real lives and start there.  

Creating a better world starts at home, not on Facebook.  I am bowing out of any political conversations and opinion pieces, and am going to pray harder than ever before.  When I wonder whether something is right or wrong, I am going to practice sitting in silence and try to listen for the answer.  Whenever I think that I may have a strong opinion about something, I am going to try seeing it from the other side.  But most importantly, every time I act, I am going ask myself, would this please God?

Lastly, I am going to focus on my charity.  I can't help but look to the nine beatitudes here:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. 

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. 

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. 

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. 

Notice the theme of charity. The beatitudes shed light on the actions and attitudes characteristic of the Christian life; they are the paradoxical promises that sustain hope in the midst of tribulations; they proclaim the blessings and rewards already secured, however dimly, for each of us.

Oh, to have a heart as this.  Play nice everyone.

xoxo